Tomas Archives: Eisenhower Holt’s report

To: Tomas Leadership
From: Eisenhower Holt
Subject: Grace Cahill’s funeral August 21, 2008

Score! Team Holt is already leading the competition. I know some people didn’t think I was the right man for the job. But the Holts were among the only Tomas invited to the will reading. Old lady Cahill must have had an eye for real talent. (Not like some members of the Tomas leadership. Take that, Ronald!)

Before we watched them put the old hag in the ground, I let Madison and Reagan play with Dan and Amy for a bit. They turned Dan upside down, but nothing interesting fell out of his pockets.

After the funeral, the “chosen few” went into the house for the will reading. That skinny lawyer played a creepy video of Grace. I told you she was up to something! She blabbered on about the competition and said we all had to choose between a million dollars and a Clue. Team Holt lost no time arguing. We took the Clue! And we didn’t waste time changing out of civilian funeral clothes before we dispatched. I knew it was a good idea to wear our tracksuits!

As ordered, I didn’t let those Cahill brats out of my sight. I’m sure the old witch told them everything about the Clues, so I ordered my team to follow them. Those little Cahill weaklings wouldn’t have a chance on their own. They’re as pathetic as their loser father, Arthur Trent. We were at West Point together. He always laughed at my answers in class. But I had the last laugh!

We marched in formation to follow Grace’s little pets to the library. We watched them go into a secret room, but Team Holt waited outside. Books make me dizzy and I needed to stay alert! I made the kids jog in place for about 20 minutes as we planned our next move. We wanted to smoke them out of their hiding spot, but Hamilton got a little too excited with the lighter fluid. So the house burned down. No big loss. What good is a mansion without a weight room?! Some people have no taste.

We’ll continue to follow the Cahills. The Holts will not be outsmarted by a team that doesn’t even wear matching uniforms!